"Reach Out In the Darkness!"

I have learned many lessons about people this year.
The most disappointing lesson is that not everyone is drawn to be supportive of struggling, marginalized misfits the way that I am.
The best thing that I've learned is that, in caring for people worse off than myself, there is the discovery that A.) No one is necessarily "worse off" than me, and B.) When I really need a friend myself, they are there for me in a heartbeat. All the best things that have happened to me in my lifetime have been because in my suffering and reaching out for support, I have also caught the reaching hands of others.
And my life is all the better for it.
I feel a mixture of pity and disdain for people who shelter themselves from anything or anyone that might really make them feel something strongly -- People who won't reach out to the loner out in the streets, the sobbing woman standing in the grocery line, the man in the suicide ward who was still trying to steal kitchen knives in order to off himself.
These people are "THOSE People," the ones you should never associate with, the ones who will drag you down, burden you, take more than they will ever give back, have bad attitudes, struggle with depression or mental illness.
It is just as easy for these people I disdain to speak about all kinds of altruistic pursuits -- Just so long as they don't have to get their hands dirty doing it. These are the people who recycle trash, but refuse to give broken people a second chance with them. These are the people who passionately argue for social justice from the safety of their nice homes, but who would never volunteer at a shelter -- or anywhere else for that matter. They talk about poverty in Haiti, but don't donate to any charities. They say that it's a shame that mental illness isn't considered equal to physical illness, but you will never see them befriending anyone they met in the waiting room who seemed a little unstable. And

they would never ever actually strike up a conversation with any of "THOSE people."
I make friends easily, and I make a lot of them. 75% of my friends are such purely because at some point in their lives they needed someone to be there for them, and I made a point of being that person. The people toward I feel so much pity are not the people I met in homeless shelters, not the people I met in psychiatrist's offices, on the suicide ward, and neither is it the people I love who seem incapable of fitting in, or of holding back their most naked thoughts. No, for these marginalized people are stronger than the ones I pity so much -- and far more interesting to talk to.
The people whom I pity so much, are the people who can't seem to see that.
How very lonely it must feel to be perfect, to always get things right, to sit in the waiting room and stare down at your phone for fear of having to meet anyone's eyes and be forced to talk to them.
How very limiting it must be to only associate with "whole" people, with "normal" people --- With only the people you can benefit from as opposed to people who could benefit from you.
How commendable of them to not associate with lower life-forms.
They will live and die bereft of true friends in their lifetime, having left the world no better than they found it.
And absolutely certain that they were clever enough not to become entangled with anyone who might need them.
How empty must their lives be, how depressing!
But how very neat and tidy.
I don't go into any friendship thinking to myself, "What can I get out of this person?"
I don't ask myself, "Gee, I wonder if they've got their shit together, or if they're going to create unnecessary drama in my life?"
I think, "That person needs a friend; What can I do for them?"
I think, "This is a complex person -- What can I learn from them?"
You learn a lot.
You learn, for example, how much you really have to offer to the world, and how important it is for you to do that.
You learn to value every person you meet, to learn from every experience you have.
You learn that the woman with the incurable, degenerative disease who lives on welfare and was once an alcoholic is also a beautiful artist, and a kind soul at heart.
You learn that the girl nobody else liked during your grade school years is the kindest, most generous person there is -- quite possibly because she knows what it is to be mistreated, and she knows how it feels to have nothing -- And she just might have learned from you what it feels like to just give anyway. Or maybe you learn that from her.
You learn that even drug addicts can love their children and hope for the best for them.
You learn that people who never went to college can still be geniuses, gifted people with a purpose in life.
You learn that people are more important than things.
You learn that acts of kindness have no statutes of limitations, that a kindness done for another can

round back up on you, years after the fact, and become something kind that that person will now do for you.
You learn that helping others takes away that nagging emptiness you hold inside.
You learn that your life isn't about feeling safe or being stable; It's meant to mean something, to care about something, to give something without expecting anything back -- but getting everything that you need anyway -- perhaps by realizing that you have everything you need.
I never turn down a friend, and I try to make myself the friend of anyone I see who seems to be struggling in any way, and I try to use my own struggles to empathize and encourage them.
I pay it forward.
And for that I am never sorry.
The ultimate pity I feel toward these Avoiders is that they look at their life and relationships as some sort of zero-sum game, as if they will run out of time, energy, resources -- love -- if they give to much.
Why can't they see that the more you give, the more you have to give -- that the more people whom you love, the more love that you have and you get?

Final Ten Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit: W-Y (There is no "Z.")

My goal tonight is to get the rest of these songs done so I can start writing about something else again. It's been a strange experience, spending all this time on songs I don't even like, but also kind of cathartic. I think when a relationship goes wrong we all suffer a sort of flux for awhile wherein we're trying to figure out where things went wrong and what we could have done differently. In fact, I'm starting to feel that way about this series of blogs but, if nothing else, listening to these songs has made me feel better on one score: At least I never took my grief and made horrible music to torment the ears of others with -- I've gone and made it into terrible writing instead.

1.) What Could Have Been Love, by Arrowsmith. I don't literally cry when I hear it, but "now that I'm alone all I have is emptiness that comes from being free" is downright depressing. If that's the intent, then this song is right on the mark.



2.) Mary Chapin Carpenter came out under the label of country music, but over the years her singing has taken on such political overtones that to me she's more like the folk singers of old. Whatever she is, she's really good at depressing me as well ~ What to Keep and What to Throw Away:



3.) This next song I find kind of comical. It's VERY Country, I've never heard of Loudon Wainwright III or this song Whatever Happened to Us, and don't know what "Argosy" is, yet I'm intrigued by the phrase "my proverbial heart." There's a deep thinker buried somewhere inside this simplistic song, and it's just enough to make you vomit.

4.) Who's Going to Ride Your Wild Horses? ~U2 Am I going to vomit or am I going to cry? I always liked U2, so I don't dislike the song, but it kind of sounds like many of their other songs, and I don't think I ever really listened to the lyrics very closely before. This lady who leaves the man in the song sounds like trouble, all right. He's most likely better off without her.

5.) From 1972, Woman's Gotta Have It, by Bobby Womack, is written as a little word of advice from a man who "had a love and lost her." It's pretty awful, but this previous line in quotes does qualify the song for our list.

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6.) Everclear's Wonderful reminds me more of Contemporary Christian pop music more so than alternative rock -- and I do mean contempt. Then again, it's pretty good music for fourteen-year-olds, and there sure are a lot of those coming out of broken homes. Poor kids. For them life may never seem quite right again. So much depends on how maturely their parents handle it. Just makes me want to vomit.
I did see a therapist once after my divorce who was adamantly against this Divorced Parent Bashing that goes on -- The way people sling around remarks about "broken homes" and how screwed up the kids are going to be, etc. She'd done some research and found that, statistically, children of divorce are not only just as well-balanced as many kids with married parents: They even do better in some ways, such as in being adaptable and seeing things from more than one point of view. So maybe I think this song is pretty bad, but rest assured if you also are a single parent, I have nothing at all against you. Just try to be honest and keep the lines of communication open with those kids.



7.) Along those lines, here's a song that really bothered me one evening on the oldies station when I was driving home alone after dropping my kids off at their dad's house: Cher, singing what Sonny Bono wrote, You Better Sit Down Kids. It's obviously told from the man's point of view, and yet I guess Sonny was no way going to pull that song off and actually sell it to anyone. I mean, Sonny Bono was already a terrible singer. If you add divorce to that it's downright depressing, so here's his ex-wife...



8.) This next song I hate more than all of the songs in this entire blog series, all together. My mom always sang along to it when it came on the radio, even (or especially) when she was still married to dad. Now that I've been married and divorced myself, this is just too much for me to take.



9.) Now in contrast to Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond's insipid song, we've got Velvet Revolver's repulsive song, You Got No Right. Something about the way the music drags along and the singer sounds as if he's forcing his words through some kind of thick fog, really makes me nauseous. Enjoy!



10.) Oh, Dixie Chicks, why did you have to write this song and torment ex-wives everywhere? I'll bet women listening to the country music station everywhere cry their eyes out when this song comes on. I can't actually relate from a personal point of view because my ex to date hasn't remarried, and I highly doubt I'm going to give a care if he does. That ship sailed so long ago I think you could call it The Titanic. "He's two and she's four" made even me tear up a little bit, though. Poor babies. By the way, the song is called You Were Mine...



There you have it, folks.
I hope you're as relieved as I am to have made it through this blog series.
Next time I write, it's going to be a one-time entry on Divorce/Break-Up Songs that I love to sing to, so expect to feel empowered, inspired, and ready to sing along.

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Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 20 out of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "T."

You know, because it's so much fun!

For today's terrible song review, I turn now to the songs that make your heart ache -- possibly from anxiety -- starting with the letter "T."

My illustration here is something I found while looking for funny images referring to Online Dating, an all new (and more efficient) way to get rejected. And, speaking of rejection, the first song on my list is the classic Take a Letter to Maria...

1.) Now, this song is so bad that it's just plain funny. And kind of catchy... and I like the twist on the old "Getting a divorce because my husband cheated on me with his secretary" because, in this instance, the wife cheats on the man, driving him to cheat with his secretary... Stupid song.



2.) REO Speedwagon never ceases to amuse me. Although I often think all their songs sound alike, every time I run across one while seeking out bad break-up songs, I come across a song I apparently know all the words to... damn radio...



3.) Tell Me Why, by none other than The Beatles. I love them, so I love their songs indiscriminately, but I gather that a lot more people than I ever would have imagined absolutely hate all their early stuff, and a lot of their later stuff, too. Huh. Although I can't wrap my head around this fact, I am big enough to admit that this song isn't their best, and certainly their lyrics improved once they left the shadows of A Hard Day's Night... but it sure is catchy when in the throes of rejection.



4.) The Suffering, by Fishbone is admittedly one of their "nicer" songs (as opposed to Lyin' Ass Bitch), but I still don't quite understand why anyone would want to listen to it. I suppose it could be like the old "Sad Songs Say So Much" deal, but I personally prefer good sad songs if I'm going to mope over a broken relationship.



5.) I love ABBA because they are such an easy target when discussing bad break-up songs. The Winner Takes It All is at the very least not a completely mindless, happy-sounding song. And, being a bitter old divorced woman, this song is even somewhat relatable.



6.) I think probably the Pistol Annies' Trading One Heartbreak for Another is one of the most depressing songs I've ever subjected myself to. The music is uninspired, ponderous and repetitive, the singing nothing especially good, and the lyrics just deaden my divorced mother soul. Probably the worst thing about it is that there's this basic truth behind it: That getting divorced to someone you've had children with opens up a kind of wound that doesn't heal. No longer do I have to live with my ex-husband, but my children do. And I've always found it ironic that we divorce somebody because the two of us can't get along or communicate at all anymore, but, because we have children together, we are forced to continue to attempt to do so for a maximum of eighteen years of our lives. Frankly, by the time my children are both grown, my eldest will be the same age I was when I married his father, and I find that very depressing. Like any mother, I carry around that guilt and hope my children don't repeat our mistakes. This song makes me cry because it's terrible, but also because it's true.



Out of thirteen (lucky thirteen) songs that I listened to for tonight's blog entry, only these six made the cut for actually being about divorce or breakup, and all the rest were either ambiguous -- or downright chipper. This is not supposed to be fun, people! If you want to listen to the positive, empowering divorce songs, then you've got to hang in there for six more letters of the alphabet before I start those rolling. You may want to post some requests toward that aim. I have a few personal favorites, but I'm sure there must be more.

On the bright side, though, is the fact that I couldn't locate even one break-up or divorce song that begins with the letter "U," so really all you've got left to tolerate are five letters, none of which I will torture you with this evening. I've got some drawings to work on. Have a nice night!

Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 18&19 out of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "R" and "S."

Am I a card-carrying member, or is he?
The world may never know.
Tonight once again we explore the world of singing through your pain, envy and fury in relation to divorce or breaking up with someone.

I think it may just happen to be a healthy thing that I can write on this topic these days. As they say, when you can find it in you to make a joke out of something, you've beaten it.
It's been six years since my own divorce -- maybe seven -- and the marriage was over well before that. I've never missed being married, but I do miss my kids when they're away. That will never change.
Please be forewarned that the following videos might make you vomit.
Or cry.

1.) I couldn't find any songs that began with an "R," but a dear friend of mine suggested Return to Sender. I'll assume you know who sang it, and note that this must've been a very racy movie, considering they did not film him only from the waist up!



2.) Not to be outdone, I do have a few songs that start with the letter "S" for you to consider. The first band has been referred to as "one of America's most beloved (and sometimes hated) commercial rock bands." I know them best for Wheel in the Sky, Don't Stop Believing, and Anyway You Want It, but for our purposes tonight we have Separate Ways, by none other than Journey. (And, yes, it does make me want to vomit. Not one of their better songs.)



3.) Starting Over Again, by Dolly Parton. Now there's a contrast to Journey for you. Honestly, it makes me think of my own parents. Bad song. Vomit.



4.) Sunny Sweeney, why do you hate my ears so much? Don't you have anything else to sing about?! Staying's Worse Than Leaving reminds me of when I packed up myself and my children and left my ex-husband. Some people judged me and put their two-cent's worth in, but they didn't know the whole story, and in my defense I have to point out that there's a huge difference between liking a guy in general and having to live with him. If only I'd known I could have made an entire career by singing badly about it, my life would have turned out very differently. Vomit, in case you couldn't guess.



5.) Swallow My Pride, by Billy Bragg. I REALLY hate this guy's singing style. This has been a rough night for me. I think I've completely run out of bile.



Five songs. That's all I can stand for tonight, especially since the last three were all country music. This is one of those nights when I'm wondering why I subject myself to so much torment listing and listening to such terrible songs, especially when I consider how there's at least ten songs I can list off the top of my head that begin with "T" that I have to gather up for next time.
In the meantime, take care of yourself and try not to dwell on your own card-carrying member of The League of Evil Exes. Goodnight.

Stuffing Emptiness

I get this lonely, empty feeling sometimes when it's time to turn in for the night.
I don't want to go to bed when I feel this way.
I tend to scour the web for signs of life and some sense of connection.
On these nights, it always seems as if I've already checked every email, and written every person who could possibly answer back.
Some of the most important people in my life don't answer back on nights like this.
I turn to Facebook and search first my wall and then my newsfeed for signs that there's anyone else in the world feeling as empty as I do, or signs that anyone else cares to know how I really feel at all.
I read one joke after another searching for something to laugh about.
I read one inspiring quote after another, searching for something that will make me feel less alone.
I stuff myself with food and media, filling in the hollows of my soul and the cracks in my mind with as much -- or more -- than they can hold, as if this overflow of information is going to stick to my ribs instead of running out the cracks and leaving me feeling emptier than before.
On these nights, I can hear the clock ticking on the wall.
The ironic thing about this is that probably I could pick up the phone and give someone a call if I wanted to. An actual call is likely to evoke a response.
Or I could paint and all the emptiness would disappear.
But now that I've remembered that, I realize that I have to go to bed.
I'm going to be doing some volunteering in the morning. There will be smiling people and lights and children, and I will be helpful and friendly and brave. I will walk those halls with an answering smile to a question no one is even thinking to ask me -- Are you all right?
My smile says I'm fine, doesn't it?
And I am.

Fine is an apt description.
Fine means that I'm coping.
Fine means that I've got it under control.
Fine means I don't need anyone to help me.
Fine means that I'm observing my life from a distance and don't know how to actually live it.
Fine means that intellectually I am aware that loneliness and emptiness are not permanent states.
Fine means that I will be able to fall asleep so long as I imagine that there's someone there holding me and reassuring me that emptiness and loneliness are not permanent states.
Fine means that reading a blog or "Liking" something on Facebook is contact enough for anyone.
Fine means that even though I want people to care enough to answer my emails, I am aware that the world doesn't end when they don't because I could go out and find new people who do care.
Fine means that I can always shove down my sadness and find something funny to joke about.
Fine means that I can joke about my sadness, even -- make it just one big joke.
Fine means that if I do find someone on Facebook who is hurting, lonely, sad, or discouraged, I will take the time to post something encouraging on their wall the way I wish someone else would do for me.
Fine means that I will continue to struggle with my diet of food and information overload for as long as it takes for me to stop being fine and start choosing to be happy.
Because, damn it, being happy is a choice.
I can make that choice.
Fine means that the reason I don't just pick up the phone and call a friend or family member, or paint that cathartic picture, is because I haven't decided yet if I deserve to be happy at all.
Fine means I'd better get to bed so I can sleep until the morning, for in the morning I will be distracted from the emptiness for a few hours, sometimes days or weeks.
I almost wish I didn't feel fine at all.
I wish that I would feel motivated instead.
I wish that I could learn to love myself.
I wish ...

All these people in the world, and yet so many of us feel so alone.
So much stuff in the world, and yet so many of us feel so empty and needy.
And there is nothing fine about being empty and needy. In fact, it's an unspoken taboo.
To admit that you are not fine, that you are empty and need to be filled with love and acceptance, is like admitting that you've stolen from people or lied to and cheated people. To admit that you are not fine is ugly and scary because it means that maybe no one else is really fine, either.
And so i don't.
Except here.

Because no one reads it anyway.

Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 15 -19 out of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letters "N - Q."

I've been busy the past couple of weeks doing important things like, you know, living my life and all that, but I want you to know that I have not forgotten you. I'm sure you've been losing sleep nights wondering if I'll ever get to songs starting with the letter "Z," right? It so happens that I, too, have been anxious in this regard. I can't help but look forward to what on earth I may find when I google Divorce/Break-Up songs that begin with the letter "Z." But right now we're a little over halfway through the alphabet, so we'd best buckle down and get to work.


1.) Today's first Break-Up Song is by The Black Keys. Although Next Girl isn't a particularly good song, this group has always surprised me with their style and overall presentation. If this number is especially bad, at least it's brief, right?



2.) I can't dream of why Tegan and Sara's song Night Watch wasn't more popular, coming out as it did in the era of Nirvana... [Sarcasm Font]
Have you ever heard of them? If so, you're definitely one up on me. If not, I looked them up on Wikipedia for you: "Tegan and Sara is a Canadian/Indi, Indie/Pop duo formed in 1995 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada composed of identical twin sisters Tegan Rain Quin and Sara Keirsten Quin." 
I suppose it was the gimmicky twin-factor that did Canadian hearts good in 1995, and I am just jealous that I don't have a twin sister to write songs with...or have any musical talent at all, whatsoever...



3.) Eric Clapton's Old Love. There's nothing at all to the lyrics, and no reason the song should run for six minutes and twenty-seven seconds, except that it's Eric Clapton, man, and he does what he wants. He was cited at the fourth best guitarist out of one hundred in Rolling Stone Magazine (Here's the address, if you're curious, but we all know Number One had to have been Jimmy Hendrix: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/100-greatest-guitarists-of-all-time-19691231/jimi-hendrix-20101202 ), so I guess we can attribute the song's fame for all the guitar playing Clapton gets to do in this song. Eric, I wish my old love would go away, too, but singing about it for over six minutes isn't going to help.




4.) On My Own. Sadly, not the song from Les Mis. The lyrics are pretty good, but this is just not my kind of music. I really hate it. The one part that makes me laugh a little, though, is: "Now we're up to talking divorce, and we aren't even married..."



5.) I guess you know it's all a matter of taste, that I can criticize Patty Labelle and still really love Jim Croce's Operator, but I just can't help it. I heard this song during my formative years and thought it was kind of sweet. "My best old ex-friend, Ray" is just about the most pathetic phrase in any break-up song I've ever heard. I relate to the idea of trying to get rid of a feeling that you have for someone who chose to disengage from you entirely, and also that need to show them up by acting as if you've got it all together and don't care anymore, either. This song doesn't make me physically weep, but my heart is crying. ha ha



6.) Usher's Papers. As an artist, I think he crosses all kinds of boundaries. The bland pleasantness of the music for the subject matter is kind of off, but I can't quite bring myself to vomit over that. 



7.) Pendulum, by Anastacia, "the little woman with the big voice," is a study in break-up denial, but I love the strength she's shown personally in battling breast cancer.



8.) Genesis's Please Don't Ask, proving once again that old adage: "The majority of people who say 'I'm fine' are just lying." 



9.) Quick -- The song's a little weird at first blush, but there's something about Jill Scott that I can't help but like -- Maybe it's because she almost became an English Teacher. I'll bet the world lost a good one. By the way, The No1 Ladies' Detective Agency was a very good book.



Well, I couldn't find a number ten, so that's it for the week, I think. 
I still maintain that after I've finished this long and sorry exploration of Divorce/Break-up songs that make me want to cry/vomit, I'll be more than happy to go into Empowerment Songs next. Play 'em if you've got 'em.

Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 14 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "M."

1.) One lovely thing about researching Divorce/Break-Up songs has been the insight that I've gained in the process. In this particular example, I have finally figured out just what exactly is wrong with Kanye West: Oedipus Complex. Whatever else may be disturbing about his character or temper, one can't help but feel a little softness for a man who so clearly loved his mother. She was a talented, creative and intelligent woman in her own right, so it's no wonder that her child might write a song about being jealous of her boyfriends and trying not to become like them one day. Assuming the song is based on life, of course. Of course, I may just be saying all this because she was an English Professor for roughly 31 years, and I most certainly do have a soft spot in my heart for educators. Anyway, from Donda West's son: Mama's Boyfriend.



2.) Mean, by Pink. She seems to know something about it. Kind of depressing. meh.



3.) Memphis, Tennessee was originally sung by Johnny Reed in 1964. Either covered by Reed or ChucK Berry, the song is the same -- I had to listen to it twice to realize that the "Marie" that the man in the song is singing about is his daughter and not his ex -- He gives it away at the end when he points out she was only six. This ending is the clincher here. It's that style of singing, though, where the tune is kind of monotonous and the singer isn't very expressive, so according to my lights it only gets a vomit. He did, however, sing Secret Agent Man in 1966. That's a fun one. Kind of dumb, but fun.



4.) Did you know The Drifters sang a song called Mexican Divorce? Me, neither. It's just like all their other songs, except not about making out under a boardwalk, and with an occasional female chorus. I thought maybe I've never heard of it because it was racist or something, but now that I've heard it, I think it was just bad. Vomit.



5.) Miss You, The Rolling Stones. It's The Stones, man. What can I say?
I used to find Mick Jagger kind of creepy, and so the video grossed me right out as a teen. I'm sure they've got better songs, and this one drags awfully long for what little it has to say, but, again -- The Stones.



6.) Misunderstanding, Genesis. For just a minute I thought I'd never heard this song before, but hey, it's Genesis. I knew. In a way I suppose it's no different than the issue I take with the Drifters' song: Doesn't sound as upset as the words would indicate. Sounds pretty dated, and not much to it. No tears or vomit to be had here.



7.) The Moment of Truth, Matthew West. One of those Christian music songs where the singer is addressing his audience, making it sound as if he's giving advice to one specific guy who's listening to the words. Is he listening? I wouldn't be, just because the music is bad. It pains me that so much of this music is either boring, tacky, elitist, or just a poor copy of rock music. This is in part because these songs are way more about what the artists are trying to say about their religious beliefs than whether or not the music is well-written. You can find some deep messages with a lot to say, but the music kind of ruins it much of the time. It's not all bad, and this song's message isn't all bad, but once the divorce or break-up has already happened, it takes a lot of work to pull it all back together. I guess it's the question we all end up asking, "Is this worth it?"



8.) My Bed, Sunny Sweeny. I hate this song. It makes me want to vomit.



9.) I know these are supposed to be songs that start with an "M," but this song popped up along with Sunny's other sunshiny little numbers, and I just have to remark: Drink Myself Single, also sung by Sunny Sweeny, is the epitome of all that's awful about country music. She's mad at her partner, decides to dress in her low-cut top and tight blue jeans, and then go out and get staggering drunk so that she can find out what it's like to sneak home late after sleeping around like he does. Great. That'll really help you make some wise choices and improve your life. I hate music that encourages people to abuse alcohol and and/or act stupid. VOMIT



10.) When My First Wife Left Me  ~ The lyrics aren't good. The guy lost his wife, rightfully blames himself, and then sings about it, but it's John Lee Hooker, and that man sure does have the perfect voice for the blues. He's good, too good to mock. Probably too good even for me to comprehend.




Well, I don't know about you, but I'm glad all that's over!
The blues number was easily the best music in the bunch, more because of who sang it than what it said on its own. The rest of the songs were pretty Miserable.

Tune in Next Time for some songs that start with the letters NO!

Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 12 & 13 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "L," and a Couple of "M's."

Turns out I couldn't find very many Divorce Break-Up songs that begin with the letter "L," but no worries -- There's still plenty of misery available for this one day, and enough misery to go around still tomorrow. 

Although I started on this subject as a response toward songs that made me mad or sad, I am finding, as my sister once told me, "The reason there are so many songs about having a broken heart is because that really happens to a lot of people all the time, and that really is a big deal." It was nice to hear it, simply because I'm so prideful that I don't want to admit that someone could make me feel so bad about myself or my life. I try to shove things down and be stoic about them when really writing or singing a song, writing a poem or short story or letter, or even painting about what hurts -- No matter how truly awful, funny, sad or true to life that expression of your feelings may turn out to be, it's best to let yourself grieve before moving on. Otherwise, you stay stuck in this mode and start weeping at odd moments, like when Can't Help Falling in Love is playing at some gas station, or you get angry when you hear Queen over the sound system in a department store singing Crazy Little Thing Called Love because it's just so horribly cheerful. In the end, you can use that time to put the power back into your own hands where it belongs. You don't have to allow someone to make you feel bad or question yourself. You've got the power to get over them and let them go. I guess what I'm saying is, "Listen to these songs and wallow in misery if you must, but if I could I'd choose to make you laugh. You deserve that gift, so go ahead and give it to yourself."


1.) Ben Folds' Landed. It's okay. Not the kind to make me cry or vomit, but it's simple and it does what it came here to do.



2.) In Love for a Child, Jason Mraz sings about being a child of divorce. Having no idea what the reference to the pool and losing memory was about, I looked the song up. I read that every time Mr. Mraz sings this song live, he dedicates the song to his mother. In the September issue of Richmond Magazine, there's an interview stating that "While the song could be interpreted to have left Mraz feeling negative about the whole situation ...Mraz says "this is a love song... really when I look back at my life, I was loved through and through and through. So it was a really powerful song for me and to share it with them too ." 
Because it speaks of lost innocence and misunderstanding, it's a sad song all the same.



3.) I hadn't listened to more than one minute of Fishbone's Ma and Pa before I started smirking. I probably should include in my already long title "Also Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Laugh." That said, like Love for a Child, the song addresses what divorce can potentially do to children. It also suggests that there could be a better way to handle that experience so that "little sister" doesn't have to act out against all the fighting. Maybe if it were less dated it could be a better song, but for now all it does is make me want to...vomit, I guess. Laughing is not an option, and it does get less funny as I adjust to it... oh, crap. This is catchy, too. I'm going to be singing it out loud some time tonight when I least expect it because it's now stuck in my head.



4.) Made of Money, Adam Ant. It's bad. This video is pretty hard to look at, considering it's just his face and has no lyrics. Add to that the fact that the lyrics are really bad (makes me choke on my shreddies" was my personal fave) and it makes me want to vomit.



5.) Did you know that Eddie Cantor was the first to sing Makin Whoopie? I'm bemused that they were allowed to film/record this in 1928, but mind you it was before the heavy censors came raging through Hollywood. [Side Note: In case you didn't know that 1920's movies were done in color, I would like to point out that at this stage of development, historically the color process for films involved a two color (red and green) additive system that used two color negatives pasted or printed together, and I believe that this video is a result of that process]. The song about marriage and divorce (in case you didn't know), and is really rather cynical for being sung by a comedian. And for the record, by all reports Cantor was happily married and had five daughters. I'm going to end on this note despite the fact that the song is also pretty silly, this version especially so, making me want to roll my eyes like Eddie Cantor rather than laugh.



Tomorrow I'll have a list of  ten more Divorce/Break-Up songs that make me want to cry/vomit beginning with the letter "M." 

Divorce/Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 9 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "I" ...and "K."

1.) I'm So Happy I'm Crying. Usually Sting is a great lyricist, but this song is kind of bad. I hate to say it, but I think maybe he's reached that point where he's resting on his laurels. In truth, he more or less reached that point somewhere around his 1993 album, Ten Summoner's Tales. I'm smirking a little as I type this because of his fascinating haircut in the video. The subject matter lines up nicely with Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Vomit. My apologies, but I will not be posting the Toby Keith cover. I just can't take any more.



2.) Idiot Wind~ I suspect there is a reason that this Bob Dylan song isn't all that well known, and I further suspect that no one ever wants to get on Bob Dylan's bad side.



3.) In If Leaving Me Is Easy, Phil Collins kind of makes me want to vomit. Get over it, man. Move on. These lyrics are insipid and so is the music. I'll see you an In the Air Tonight and raise you a One More Night.



4.) In Pieces ~ Linkin Park. Not terribly impressed. Bleh



5.) Speaking of In The Air Tonight... I think what makes this song effective is that it comes from a firm perspective of rejecting the other person as opposed to the part of us all that likes to pity ourselves.



6.) It's Over, sung by Rod Stewart. I like a few of Rod Stewart's songs, but this is not one of them. The lyrics place it undeniably on this list, but I don't have to like it.



7.) This is the song that comes on at two in the morning when you're driving home from someplace you didn't want to be, don't want to be on the road, and are struggling to stay awake. Then good old Carole King comes on the radio singing It's Too Late, Baby and you nearly get into a car accident, unless you're quick to turn to another station. If there's anything to be said about this song, it would be that she tries to be grateful for what was good about the relationship. I think being able to acknowledge something like that at the end of a relationship helps you feel better prepared for another one -- certainly more so than spending too much of your time dwelling on the bad times and either hating your ex or yourself for mistakes made.



Now, luckily for you, I have run out of Divorce/Break-Up songs that start with an "I," and I have found no Divorce/Break-Up songs that begin with "J."
Unfortunately for you, I'm ending this list on a low note, because I did find just one single song beginning with a "K......

8.) Ending on an even number, I present to you possibly one of the worst bands of all time: Abba, cheerfully singing Knowing Me, Knowing You. It's not quite as bad as Fernando, but close.



Tomorrow, or on some other day this week, we'll look at Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Vomit/Cry, 12 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "L."

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 8 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "H."

1.) Brad Paisley's Harvey Bodine. This is a bit of a strange "break-up" song, considering the man dies and realizes his marriage was so bad that he was relieved. It's true to life so far as men being emotionally abused just as often as women. It's a silly song, but I imagine divorced male country song lovers everywhere could appreciate it.






2.) Her Town, Too ~ James Taylor and John D. Souther. This song is so dated-sounding to me. Additionally, it makes me want to sleep, or to go into town and see if I can find some elevator music in one of the buildings there. That said, I rather like that the song sounds empathetic. Still gets the V.



3.) Pink Floyd's Hey, You. It's not entirely clear that this is a divorce or a break-up song. I love Pink Floyd, but it is a serious mistake to listen to this song if you are lonely, and that's what losing someone brings on, so I'll give it a Cry.



4.) Highway 20 Ride, by Zach Brown Band, is probably even more depressing than Reba Mcentire's Every Other Weekend, and that's saying a lot coming from me. I wonder if this is a horrible song for recently divorced men to listen to, or if it would be somehow therapeutic to have it come on and burst into tears. I hope to God that never happens to some poor fellow on his drive to get his kids for the weekend. That would certainly make me want to throw up out of sheer empathy.

  

5.) House of Broken Love ~ Great White. I took one look at this video and heard the song and vomited. Sorry. It's just so greasy and cheesy. Also, these men should not have better hair than me. Maybe I'm just jealous.



6.) Mary Chapin Carpenter's House of Cards has pretty good lyrics. I wish the music was better. Sad. I just don't like it. Once again, nothing I'd spend much time on by choice.



7.) Housewife's Prayer, by the Pistol Annies. Depressing. No one's divorced yet, but sounds to me like they are well on their way. V.



8.) How Do You Love Someone ~ Ashley Tisdale. I've never been terribly impressed by Ms Tisdale, but the lyrics to this song are very telling and true to a lot of women's lives. Sad, I guess, but kind of an Early 90's kind of "sad," which also means bad.



9.) Theory of a Deadman's Hurricane. Hurt and Hurricane. Bleh. Meh, even. V, but nice lyric video.



I was hoping to give you an even ten, but I ran out of Hs. If you think of one more song, I'd include it on the list for you. Hopefully you are not actually reading this and listening to these songs, because I assume you want to live a happy life. Tomorrow I've got like 15 songs that start with the letter "I." Wouldn't Sesame Street be proud of me?

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 6&7 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letters "F" and "G."

1.) Our first song tonight has a very cheerful pop song feel to it, but if you read the lyrics it's really kind of horrible. It's kind of like how The Everly Brothers smile their matching white smiles and sing "Bye Bye Love," which by the way should have been in Songs That Begin With "B." Ah, well. Can't have them all. There's a lot of heartache out there, such as mine as I listen to Tesla singing Falling Apart. Vomit!





2.) Family Portrait. P!NK, of course. This song is depressing. Reminds me of my childhood, except that I only wished my dad would leave. The bit about having two addresses and splitting the holidays makes me feel bad because then I'm thinking of my own children. In 2001, P!NK wasn't even a blip on my radar. She seemed to blend in with a lot of other singers at the time. I think the song is sad, but still just makes me want to vomit.



3.) Fool For Your Loving ~ Whitesnake? This song is better than I suspected, but my expectations weren't all that high. I kind of like the bluesey feel the singer has in his voice, but the music and lyrics categorizes it as somewhat vomity because they just don't match up.



4.) Fortress Around Your Heart, by none other than Sting. This song doesn't actually belong on this list because I love it. I love that entire album. Sting really is fantastic with the clever lyrics. Man, it's been ages since I listened to this song, and I can still sing along. If it should happen to make you cry or vomit, please let me know.



5.) Free the Butterfly, by Suzi Quatro. This one sort of takes broken relationship depression and tries to make it into a sort of inspiring song, but it's still terrible. I won't be buying an album anytime soon.



6.) Get Her Back. Robin Thicke ~ This song commits the cardinal English Teacher Sin of changing back and forth between directly addressing the girl as "You" and then singing "Her." I don't think I want this guy to give me "that thing" I wanted. I'd prefer to ask someone else. It's a boring song. I suppose I could use it as ambient music...



7.) Get Hurt, by The Gaslight Anthem ~ This guy came to get hurt. Huh. And I don't get the line about how he hears they don't bleed in California. What's that supposed to be? Kind of repetitive. Yep, vomity all right. And victimy. Shame on you, dude. You should know better.



8.) And for some reason, Janis Ian's Getting Over You makes me sad. This is how you know you're not over someone quite yet -- when too many songs remind you of them, and make you sad when you hear them. It was easy to get over my ex husband. He made it easy for me. But when I hear this song I find myself thinking of how hard it is to get some people out of your heart and your head. Staying friends, as she refers to in this song, makes it nearly impossible, because there is no closure. Cry.



9.) Ghost ~ Katie Perry again, not sounding very inspired or original, and most of the lyrics are repetitive. Blah. And yet there's this one little stanza that caught my ear: "Something has died. Now that I have made up my mind I'll be all right, it doesn't haunt me at night." We've all gotta get there someday, someway.



10.) Goodbye ~ I liked Avril Lavigne pretty well when she released her first album, but I tired of her quickly, and this song has effected me similarly. ZZZZZZZZZZZ



11.) Last but by no means least, Goodbye, My Lover, sang by James Blunt. I find it beautiful because he manages to sing it so sadly, and with so much emotion. The way he's hanging on and waiting is depressing, but it kind of makes me want to cry. I like the song, darn it.



Well, then, now that you are properly depressed, I'll leave you to dwell on your losses until next time, when we listen to Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 8 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "H."

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 5 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "E."

I'm pretty sure I need to start doing more than one letter a day for these songs, but it does come in handy on days when I'm in a hurry. If all goes well, we'll have five songs that start with "E" this morning, and then I will see you tomorrow, maybe. Or not. I'm pretty busy on Sundays.

1.) First song on my list: Emergency, by Paramore. Should I vomit or cry? I have no opinion of this one. It seems rather generic to me, so my response is pure apathy. If it should happen too affect you more strongly than this, let me know, 'cause I got nuttin.



2.) Every Breath You Take ~ The Police. Was this song ever romantic to anyone out there? I personally looked at it as possibly the most creepy stalker song ever, even in 1984 when I was in Elementary School. Although I have always enjoyed Sting as an artist, stalking is not cool, so this merits a certain amount of spillage.



3.) Evil Eye, by Josh Ritter. Oh. My. Goodness! Now, this song is just hysterical! I'm not crying, I'm not vomiting -- I'm just sitting here watching the video and smirking.



As it turns out, I was unable to use two of the songs. One of them, by a group called Lighthouse, was actually a praise and worship song about being close to God. This seemed a strange choice for Google, but you never can tell with the Internet. It's like a box of chocolates.

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 4 of 26 ~ Songs That Start With the Letter "D."

In today's journey into the heartbreak and tears of bad music fans everywhere, I give you just five songs that start with the letter "D."

I'm actually beginning my list of songs (that either make me want to cry/vomit) feeling a strange sensation that is neither tears nor upchuck, but rather a sort of resigned acceptance, bordering upon admiration.

1.) In 1968, Tammy Wynette became the first ever person to sing about divorce. Were it not for Ms Wynette, I would have no divorce songs to complain about. And yet here she is in her bleached blonde bouffant, singing from her heart and personal experience the helpless grief of knowing that you're making a decision that you fear will steal all your child's sense of happy innocence, security and trust. I know how that feels. 

D-I-V-O-R-C-E The song is old, and it would be almost satirical or sappy if anyone else had sung it, but I think Tammy's got a beautiful voice and puts just the right level of emotion into what she's singing. Furthermore, women everywhere were given a voice in a matter that no one at the time liked to discuss. She was a gutsy lady in this respect, and therefore has earned my respect despite my lifetime abhorrence of sad country songs that dwell on the negative side of divorce and heartbreak.

I wanted to make fun of this song, I really did, but just you look at her face as she's singing -- I took one look at her face and had to give in. Shoot, if I were the guy in this situation, I'd take one look at that face and renew our vows right on the spot.

2.) On the other hand, Wayne Newton totally makes me want to vomit, singing Daddy, Don't You Walk So Fast? Terrible song. And why was this guy ever popular? I'm glad I wasn't born yet when this song came out, because I'm sure it would have made me spit up more than a little. Wayne, you get a "D."

3.) Doesn't Anybody Stay Together Anymore? To be or not to be, this is definitely the question that created this blog series. Did you know that Phil Collins used to have hair? Me, Neither. And I don't mean just a ring around his head, or even just an ordinary amount of hair -- I mean like, a LOT of hair! Amazing. In my personal opinion, this song is kind of generic for Collins. He has much better stuff out there, but the song asks a valid question. I don't cry when I hear this one because it's just not very emotional, and I don't vomit, but I do feel a little queasy...

4.) Don't Give Up on Love, Sanctus Real. I neither love nor hate this song. Total indifference. Oh, sort of a Christian Rock Song. Wait, wait a minute... These are the guys responsible for that horrible Lead Me song, that makes me want to vomit! But that starts with an "L," so this is the song we get today. What do you think? 

5.) Down to Earth, sung by Justin Bieber. Honestly, I have never listened to Justin Bieber. Listening to this song, I can see why people kept calling him a girl when his music first came out. The lyrics are kind of sad, but I don't like the song much. Not my preference in music. Then again, neither is Tammy Wynette.

Tomorrow we will be going over songs that make me want to cry or vomit, 5 of 26, Songs that Start With the Letter "E," including what I consider to be one of the ultimate stalker songs of the 80s! Can you guess which song that would be? Take a guess! 

Have a nice day!

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 2 of 26 ~ 3 Songs That Start With the Letter "C."

1.) VOMIT ~ Change My Mind. Billy Ray Cyrus (aside from raising a class act, Greek tragedy of a daughter), comes off as a complete ass in this song. He tells some poor woman that he loves her, dumps her, and is now thinking that, although it was a lie when he told her he would love her forever, he's considering changing his mind. Well, that's all fine and dandy, Billy, my boy, but it doesn't mean you deserve to have her back again, or that she doesn't have enough self-respect to tell you to get lost.



2.) Conversation 16, The National. I don't quite know if I should laugh, cry, or vomit. This is an interesting take on a relationship gone bad. Brains, anyone? Or, as RH1no1 said on YouTube:
"If Conversation 16 was about eating brains, I want to know what conversations 15 and 17 were."




3.) VOMIT ~ Just in case you didn't get enough of our little ray of sunshine, Laura Bell Bundy, she returns for Letter C of Songs to Vomit to, singing Curse the Bed at Walmart. Yeah, you heard me right. She burns the bed and then dances around the charred frame dressed in white and drinking champagne. The music is pretty sedate next to the lyrics. Not quite sure what she was thinking here. The song is so good that this is the only copy of it I could find online that wasn't sung by a wannabe teen.



This is all I have time for this morning. If I had to pick a "favorite," I'd go with "eating my estranged partner's brains" song. Revenge never tasted so sweet?

Tomorrow: Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 
4 of 26 ~ 3 Songs That Start With the Letter "D."

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 2 of 26 ~ 10 Songs That Start With the Letter "B"

As promised, here are today's top ten gut-wrenching songs that begin with a "B."

1.) First on my list, Because of You, by Kelly Clarkson. First time I ever heard it I was reminded more of my parents' broken relationship than my own, but either way the song is pretty negative and lends itself to victimization.



2.) Before I Die, Papa Roach. This song is pretty generic, in my opinion. I think it's supposed to be romantic, but as a bitter old divorced woman I must condemn it. ha ha. Your chance has flown, whiny little song-man.



3.) Between Me and You, by Laura Bell Bundy. So, our relationship is over, but I'm going to stick with you because I think my baby will grow up happier if we live miserably ever after together? Wow. Sometimes I surprise myself listening to these songs and having a much stronger reaction than I feel I ought to. I don't know how to excuse myself except to say that my parents stayed in a volatile relationship for nearly thirty years "for the sake of the kids," and we all have some pretty serious emotional issues as a result. I sincerely hope that Ms Bundy had a better childhood, which would justify the song.



4.) Black Chandelier, Biffy Clyro. This song is short on lyrics and deeply repetitive, although some of the simile is quite nice, I have no idea what dripping has to do with black chandeliers. Tear drop pendants? Seriously too punny, although kudos for the accent, Biffy.



5.) Breakfast at Our House, by Gretchen Peters. If you're divorced and like depressing country music, this woman is the artist for you. She's got herself an entire album dedicated to divorce. At the beginning of this live performance she says that some of the songs are "upbeat." I hope by that she means "positive," because every divorcee needs to focus on the best reasons to be single and how to survive a world that glances askance at people who are alone. The final stanza basically says "Let this be a warning to all you innocent young girls and boys who rush into marriage without thinking it through in advance." I was one of those girls, so in this sense I can give Gretchen a pass for trying to use her experience to save us.



6.) Breaking Free, by Tesla. Not to weigh in too heavily on pop, folk, or country, and being just a tad bit afraid of "hard" rock fans of hair bands, I am equally representing this genre in my list of "I Hate You" songs. I would never have listened to this in high school, but by today's standards this music is very mild. I vomit on it only as a matter of principle, and also because the music has not stood the test of time.



7.) Brilliant Disguise, Bruce Springsteen. While I'm dating myself, I may as well present to you -- The Boss. Seriously, if you don't feel as if you know or trust the person you are with, you'd best find out quick or it's all going to end.



8.) Broken Together, by Casting Crowns. Speaking of fair representation: Yes, even Christians get the marital blues.



9.) By the Grace of God, by Katy Perry, from before she sang music that stood out in any way whatsoever. The lyrics are fine, but the "music" makes me want to vomit because it's insipid.



10,) Bye, Baby -- Nas. Say what I will about rap, I've got to admit that the lyrics of this one are multi-faceted, complex just as any relationship, separation or divorce can be. Still makes me want to vomit, but that's probably a personal problem.



I'm pretty hit-and-miss on blogging on weekdays, but if I find the time, tomorrow you will have
Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 3 of 26 ~ 10 Songs That Start With the Letter "C." Again, if you happen to have any songs to add to my list, feel free to comment below.