Lately I feel as if I've checked out of my life somehow.

This is mostly due to the fact that I'm not particularly happy nor especially sad.

When I'm not experiencing extremes, I tend to feel nothing instead.

I am going to work because I must pay my bills.

I am eating and drinking and sleeping.

I've started work on my final college course before I get my Master's Degree.

But it's clear that I'm avoiding my own life in the way that I sit on Facebook for hours clicking and saving encouraging memes.

It's clear when I eat and eat and eat whether I am hungry or not.

It's clear when I take hours to gear myself up to do one single thing.

It comes through my voice over the phone when I'm doing my job at the call center.

I am trying to detach, and I'm stuffing myself with food and images and any other distractions I can think of rather than actually face my situation and do something proactive about it.

I don't want to over-analyze what's going on, but I'm trying to make sense of it.

I had a flashback in the counselor's office a week ago today.

I know I described it in a recent blog post, but I couldn't explain it to anyone who asked me about it today.

My short term memory is shot.

I hear that's just a symptom.

I have all these coping mechanisms to learn that are supposed to help me give up my negative, unhelpful habits, but how do I use them to fix something when I don't know what it is? 

I am so tired of feeling afraid and confused all the time.

I know that I have the brains, talent, and skills to really do something rewarding and fulfilling with my life, but I have one little Post Traumatic Episode and I'm aimless and spaced out for a week.

I suppose sleep would be a good start for me. Sleep.

Then I will get up and try again tomorrow.

Damn.

It already is tomorrow...