Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 2 of 26 ~ 3 Songs That Start With the Letter "C."

1.) VOMIT ~ Change My Mind. Billy Ray Cyrus (aside from raising a class act, Greek tragedy of a daughter), comes off as a complete ass in this song. He tells some poor woman that he loves her, dumps her, and is now thinking that, although it was a lie when he told her he would love her forever, he's considering changing his mind. Well, that's all fine and dandy, Billy, my boy, but it doesn't mean you deserve to have her back again, or that she doesn't have enough self-respect to tell you to get lost.



2.) Conversation 16, The National. I don't quite know if I should laugh, cry, or vomit. This is an interesting take on a relationship gone bad. Brains, anyone? Or, as RH1no1 said on YouTube:
"If Conversation 16 was about eating brains, I want to know what conversations 15 and 17 were."




3.) VOMIT ~ Just in case you didn't get enough of our little ray of sunshine, Laura Bell Bundy, she returns for Letter C of Songs to Vomit to, singing Curse the Bed at Walmart. Yeah, you heard me right. She burns the bed and then dances around the charred frame dressed in white and drinking champagne. The music is pretty sedate next to the lyrics. Not quite sure what she was thinking here. The song is so good that this is the only copy of it I could find online that wasn't sung by a wannabe teen.



This is all I have time for this morning. If I had to pick a "favorite," I'd go with "eating my estranged partner's brains" song. Revenge never tasted so sweet?

Tomorrow: Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 
4 of 26 ~ 3 Songs That Start With the Letter "D."

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 2 of 26 ~ 10 Songs That Start With the Letter "B"

As promised, here are today's top ten gut-wrenching songs that begin with a "B."

1.) First on my list, Because of You, by Kelly Clarkson. First time I ever heard it I was reminded more of my parents' broken relationship than my own, but either way the song is pretty negative and lends itself to victimization.



2.) Before I Die, Papa Roach. This song is pretty generic, in my opinion. I think it's supposed to be romantic, but as a bitter old divorced woman I must condemn it. ha ha. Your chance has flown, whiny little song-man.



3.) Between Me and You, by Laura Bell Bundy. So, our relationship is over, but I'm going to stick with you because I think my baby will grow up happier if we live miserably ever after together? Wow. Sometimes I surprise myself listening to these songs and having a much stronger reaction than I feel I ought to. I don't know how to excuse myself except to say that my parents stayed in a volatile relationship for nearly thirty years "for the sake of the kids," and we all have some pretty serious emotional issues as a result. I sincerely hope that Ms Bundy had a better childhood, which would justify the song.



4.) Black Chandelier, Biffy Clyro. This song is short on lyrics and deeply repetitive, although some of the simile is quite nice, I have no idea what dripping has to do with black chandeliers. Tear drop pendants? Seriously too punny, although kudos for the accent, Biffy.



5.) Breakfast at Our House, by Gretchen Peters. If you're divorced and like depressing country music, this woman is the artist for you. She's got herself an entire album dedicated to divorce. At the beginning of this live performance she says that some of the songs are "upbeat." I hope by that she means "positive," because every divorcee needs to focus on the best reasons to be single and how to survive a world that glances askance at people who are alone. The final stanza basically says "Let this be a warning to all you innocent young girls and boys who rush into marriage without thinking it through in advance." I was one of those girls, so in this sense I can give Gretchen a pass for trying to use her experience to save us.



6.) Breaking Free, by Tesla. Not to weigh in too heavily on pop, folk, or country, and being just a tad bit afraid of "hard" rock fans of hair bands, I am equally representing this genre in my list of "I Hate You" songs. I would never have listened to this in high school, but by today's standards this music is very mild. I vomit on it only as a matter of principle, and also because the music has not stood the test of time.



7.) Brilliant Disguise, Bruce Springsteen. While I'm dating myself, I may as well present to you -- The Boss. Seriously, if you don't feel as if you know or trust the person you are with, you'd best find out quick or it's all going to end.



8.) Broken Together, by Casting Crowns. Speaking of fair representation: Yes, even Christians get the marital blues.



9.) By the Grace of God, by Katy Perry, from before she sang music that stood out in any way whatsoever. The lyrics are fine, but the "music" makes me want to vomit because it's insipid.



10,) Bye, Baby -- Nas. Say what I will about rap, I've got to admit that the lyrics of this one are multi-faceted, complex just as any relationship, separation or divorce can be. Still makes me want to vomit, but that's probably a personal problem.



I'm pretty hit-and-miss on blogging on weekdays, but if I find the time, tomorrow you will have
Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 3 of 26 ~ 10 Songs That Start With the Letter "C." Again, if you happen to have any songs to add to my list, feel free to comment below.

Anything But That!

I'm off the restrictions the Neuropsychologist put me on for the brain injury. I can read and write and use the computer so long as I don't get overtired or have head/eye aches. I can go back to most normal activity, except fair or amusement park rides.

I am not allowed to work on my novel, or to read a novel, mainly because I have limited resources in my cranium. Basically, if I choose to do something that expends too much energy, my brain will shut me right down and start running on its generators. For example, last Tuesday I was at the cemetery planting flowers. I'm supposed to pace myself so that I don't get overtired, so I decided that I would only be there for an hour, and then I walked home when my time was up. Much to my later dismay, this completely wiped me out and I was unable to contribute very well to others for the rest of the day. 

My problem is that I can't tell how much is too much, how tiring a given activity will be. 

When I made it to Dr Cook's Traumatic Brain Injury Support Group at the end of the day, he said, "We could have told you that planting flowers for anything more than half an hour would have that effect on you. Any physical activity is going to effect you this way. And if you overdo, you will be as tired, and your symptoms will be as bad, as when you first were in the accident."

My sister's response to this: "Thanks a whole hell of a lot, Dr Cook, could you please come to my house and then follow me around to tell me what will or will not be too tiring?" 

Because, you know, planting flowers is supposed to be relaxing. 

Then last night I found myself playing Dungeons and Dragons for the first time, and after two hours it felt as if someone had flicked a switch, because my head became too heavy and started nodding, my eyes kept closing involuntarily. Every move everyone else made seemed to cause vertigo, and I really had to struggle to hear and understand what people were trying to say to me. But I kept at it for another hour because everyone else was having so much fun and they weren't taking any notice of me. I figured if my brain got disgusted with me it would say something more obviously, like cause my words to slur or get confused to the extent that people would notice and decide to stop on their own. I didn't want to be the reason we couldn't play anymore. 

So, too much physical exercise OR too much intellectual exercise, and I am all worn out.

When I couldn't take it anymore, I told my sister that I felt as bad as when we went to Wolfgang's for breakfast, but she took her irritable "Why can't you communicate with me in a way that I can understand?" tone of voice with me. 

My friend Gene immediately knew what I was saying and translated, "Six months ago when we went to Wolfgang's in Grand Rapids, that place where it was overcrowded and we had to stand in line in that hallway packed with people?"

"Yeah," I said, "That was before I was referred to Dr Cook, when I was doing way too much and didn't know it. I feel that bad right now."

My sister said shortly, "I don't understand what 'that bad' means. Just go to bed."

I did. 

I found myself curled up in a ball at one in the morning, sniffling.

"What's wrong?" Gene came and asked. He hadn't gone to sleep yet, either. "Is there anything I can do?"

Fatigue is the most debilitating aspects of these kinds of injuries.

I blew my nose and said, "I'm scared. I could hardly function up there, that last half hour especially. I haven't felt this bad in a long time, and here it comes back like none of the therapy ever happened."

"Heather, it's probably going to be that way for you for the rest of your life," he said gently.

That's what Dr Cook and all the therapists keep telling me, that the neural fatigue is forever, but that I will learn to cope with it. I don't know why it refuses to sink permanently in. 
Randy, a guy from the support group, is fond of saying "With brain injury, you don't know what you don't know," by which he means that the irony of it all is that your brain keeps trying to run like business as usual, causing you to believe that everything's like it always was before, only it isn't, and you are continually baffled when you try to do too much and your brain is forced to show its hand. 

So anyway, I therefore have to weigh out my options for maximum brain usage. I have to plan each day down to the hour, sometimes even the half hour. Ideally, I would know in advance that two hours of D&D, or just half an hour of gardening, is the absolute maximum amount of time that I can effectively function. I have to say to myself, "I CAN go on the two and a half hour long car ride to pick up kids from my ex's house, but SHOULD I, if it tires me out so much later that I can scarcely tell them a bedtime story? I can choose to garden for an hour, or to be more proficient at therapy appointments for the day. I took a nap before D&D, thinking that would be enough to recharge my batteries, but it wasn't.

Weird things that I can do, but don't make sense: Type a novella on this bog and not feel overly tired -- although that's partly because I I take a nap in about three hours from now.  Read my kids The Book of Three, although that's partly because I go to bed right after that. Walk to the end of our street and back on a daily basis, only that's usually just before I take my nap. When I get home from therapy, I try to meditate instead of napping, because sleeping too much in the daytime eventually could make it harder to sleep at night.

I can't get a clear picture from more than one brain injury specialist at a time. For example, Dr Cook says, "Of course you can go back to teaching. I had a client who did exactly that. She just had to plan her day carefully and come ultra-prepared. Couldn't do anything on the fly, but was still a very good teacher." 

Then I have the Cognitive Therapist say, "You can be a teacher if you want to...but maybe you'd be better off starting online." 

And then I have the Vocational Therapist saying, "You need to build up your stamina. You can volunteer for now, and then later get a part time job, but I wouldn't recommend substitute teaching because you have anxiety and you need something slow and predictable, like working at a factory or filing in an office... The only time we ever recommend a person with brain injury to go back to work full time is if they'll lose their job if they don't. The only way you could hold a full-time teaching job would be if you were already an established teacher in a school to begin with."

I had a run-in with one of my friends' friends on Facebook, lecturing me about scamming my way into disability. It was invalidating, and especially hypocritical on her part, since she's been on welfare her entire life and my friend used to complain that she didn't do her job well and would probably be on welfare the rest of her life because she wasn't willing to work as hard as she would need to if she wanted to get ahead. 

Another friend of mine was absolutely right telling me not to bother explaining myself to people who are too ignorant or too stubborn to understand, but encounters like this always make me feel bad because I hate it when people assume that I'm not telling the truth no matter what it is they think I'm lying about. 

My therapist says that Borderline Personality Disorder is caused by growing up in an invalidating environment, where your thoughts and feelings aren't encouraged to express themselves, and that people with BPD spend the rest of their lives trying to convince other people and themselves that what they are feeling or thinking is valid whether it's accepted by others or not. 

So they express themselves in extremes -- You don't know how sad I am? I need to do something drastic to prove myself, like cutting my wrists or overdosing, or not being able to get out of bed in the morning. They don't do this on purpose, and the reasons are generally subconscious, but in the end the reason is always basically the same -- I really need help and I don't think anyone can help me, or wants to help me, or even believes that I need help at all... 

Having PTSD sucks, because to a lot of people it looks as if you're making it up just to get attention, or that you're focusing too much on your "disability" and that it wouldn't be so bad if you just stopped making such a big deal about it. 

Having Mild Traumatic Brain Injury is invalidating all on it's own, because people who suffer from it look and act "normal" most of the time. 

It makes me so angry.

If I were doing these things just for attention, don't you think I'd have picked something a little more socially acceptable than BPD, a little less obvious than PTSD, and a hell of a lot more believable than a closed-head mild traumatic brain injury that enables me to write just about as well as ever, but prevents me from comprehending a worksheet I'd give my eighth grade students with 25 simple directions on it?

I can do anything I set my mind to.

Except when I can't. 

For further information regarding Mild Traumatic Brain Injury, take a look at the following information from the Traumatic Brain Injury Association of America: 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mild Traumatic Brain Injury
MTBI Facts
• 1.7 million people suffer a TBI each year in the U.S, of these, 
between 75% and 90% are categorized as MTBI.
• MTBIs cost the nation nearly $17 billion each year.
• Research indicates that up to 15% of patients diagnosed
with MTBI may have persistent, disabling problems.

Defining MTBI
The occurrence of injury to the head arising from blunt trauma or 
acceleration or deceleration forces involving any one of the following:
• Any period of loss of consciousness.
• Any loss of memory for events immediately before or after 
an accident.
• Any alteration in mental state at the time of the accident.
• Focal neurological deficits that may or may not be 
temporary.
Severity of injury does not exceed:
• Loss of consciousness of more than 30 minutes.
• Initial Glasgow Coma Scale of 13-15.
• Post-traumatic amnesia longer than 24 hours.

Symptoms Following a MTBI
• Dizziness
• Vertigo
• Musculoskeletal complaints
• Post-traumatic headaches
• Balance and spatial disorientation
• Visual disturbances
• Altered taste and smell
• Hearing changes
• Fatigue
• Sensitivity to light
• Decreased attention and concentration
• Reading and auditory comprehension problems
• Increased irritability 
• Depression and anxiety
• Sleep disturbances

What Happens Inside the Head After an MTBI?

A series of biochemical and physiological events occur following an 
MTBI, which can include the following:
• A breakage of the neuronal membrane by the injury.
• A decrease in cerebral blood flow to neurons.
• An increased demand for glucose, which is not present in 
sufficient amounts to maintain neuronal stability.
• A deficient blood supply combined with deficient oxygen 
supply, which leads to a metabolic disturbance.
• An immediate release of excitatory neurotransmitters 
causing neurons to fire repeatedly until they die.
• These cumulative events impact neurons that are distant 
from the injury site for many weeks or months.

Early Treatment is Essential for Maximum Recovery
• Early intervention can provide significant benefits in rate of 
recovery, cost per unit of recovery, care requirements and 
reduction of lifetime costs.
• Evidence exists that early rehabilitation interventions 
following brain injury are less expensive and more time 
efficient when compared to rehabilitation that is delayed.

Potential Complications Following MTBI
• Tendency for re-injury
• Depression and anxiety
• Avoidance of activities
• Isolation
• Client and family stress
• Suicidal ideations and attempts
• Functional difficulties at work and home
• Delays in recovery
• Chronic disability
• Long-term costs
• Problems with the law and/or litigation

References
Ashley, M, O’Shanick, G, Kreber, L. Early vs. Late Treatment of 
Traumatic Brain Injury. Vienna, VA: Brain Injury Association of 
America, 2009. 
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), National Center for 
Injury Prevention and Control. Report to Congress on mild traumatic 
brain injury in the United States: steps to prevent a serious public 
health problem. Atlanta (GA): Centers for Disease Control and 
Prevention; 2003.
Langlois JA, Rutland-Brown W, Wald M. The epidemiology and impact 
of traumatic brain injury: a brief overview. Journal of Head Trauma 
Rehabilitation 2006; 21(5):375-8
Finkelstein E, Corso P, Miller T and associates. The Incidence and 
Economic Burden of Injuries in the United States. New York (NY): 
Oxford University Press; 2006
Bazarian J, et al. Mild traumatic brain injury in the United States, 
1998-2000. Brain Injury 2005; 19(2):85-91.
Bazarian J, Blyth B, Cimpello L. Bench to beside: evidence for brain 
injury after concussion—looking beyond the computed tomography 
scan. Academic Emergency Medicine 2006; 13(2):199-214.
Mooney G, Speed J, Sheppard S. Factors related to recovery after mild 
traumatic brain injury. Brain Injury 2005; 19(12):975-87

Divorce/Break-Up Songs That Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 1 of 26

If you're divorced or heading there on a crazy train, you've heard many of these kinds of songs and cringed. However, some level of grief needs desperately to be expressed at the loss, or you end up feeling broken far too long. Quite possibly music could help you to vent your anger and grief in a safe context, rather than finding your ex and hitting her/him with a shovel. There are also quite a lot of empowering songs about divorce, and eventually I'll list some of those as well, if it strikes my fancy. For today, I present eleven such songs for your gag reflex.

CRY ~ I thought of this topic today because P!nk came on the radio singing Just Give Me a Reason. To my surprise, I got teary-eyed over it. It was almost as bad as the day six years ago when my divorce was finalized and I heard Every Other Weekend for the first time. For some unearthly reason, I still like this song. I'm thinking just because it is P!nk, after all.



VOMIT ~ Every Other Weekend didn't make me feel sad. When I first heard it, I just felt angry. How dare somebody write a weepy song about only being a family as the kids change hands at the designated meeting place? A family does not have to have two parents (who frankly can't stand each other anymore, fighting incessantly in front of the kids) to be a family. I, with my kids, am their family. Their dad, with my kids, is their family. All this song does is push the idea that we have to "be together" to be a family, which in turn is frankly quite depressing as well as untrue.



CRY ~ 11, by Cassadee Pope, makes me think of my own little girl and who she may become one day. Country Music never fails to get me down. ha ha. I do like how it brings up how hard it is for a divorced woman to make ends meet compared to a man. I'm no man-hater, but it's statistically proven.



VOMIT ~ This next song is yet another example of why I don't leave the country music station on.




CRY ~ Lana Del Rey's Summer Sadness bothered me more last summer than it does now. It makes me feel nostalgic but melancholy --truthfully, not quite to the point that I need to vomit.




CRY INCESSANTLY ~ And then there's Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova's album, Once, which is pretty much a break-up album all the way through. I actually love this one despite how sad the majority of the songs are. For today's purposes, we have: Leave, Say It To Me Now, All the Way Down, Lies, Broken Hearted Hoover Fixer Sucker Guy (which happens to be quite funny to me) and, what I consider to be one of the the ultimate Divorce Songs, Once... 













Tomorrow, Divorce/'Break-Up Songs that Make Me Want to Cry/Vomit, 2 of 26 -- Songs that Start with "B." If you have any songs to add to my "A List," please post your idea in Comments.

What Do You Do With a Broken Brain? Part II

Each brain is unique, but there are some things all Traumatic Brain Injuries have in common: The Neural fatigue, memory issues, processing difficulties, and the fact that with the right conditions the brain can heal itself drastically within the first few months following the accident and continues to heal itself more gradually as time passes. That's why all the restrictions the first six months.

People bring different strengths and weaknesses to the recovery process. One way of looking at differences in people is to look at their ability to solve problems. Psychologists use IQ tests to measure this. A 100 score is an average score. Supposing I had a 130 IQ score (smarter than 99 out of 100 people), then dropped so that I have a 100 IQ (smarter than 50 out of 100 people), I still get to contribute to society in noticeable ways.

(Although when I consider my older sister, whom I think once tested at a 46, she contributes more than her fair share to society in that from her I have learned tolerance, patience, kindness, compassion, that it's okay to ask for help sometimes, that hard work and determination can help a woman with an IQ of 46 to learn how to spell her name and work a job. That a smile can brighten the day of anyone around you, and often paves the way for acceptance and mutual understanding between you and a stranger. As they say, no one is ever a stranger to her, and I have seen some very mean and angry-looking people crack a smile when she announces her name and sticks out her hand for them to shake it. She's braver and stronger than I am, and I don't think the fact that she isn't even intellectually aware of that is relevant at all). 

But in general, having a higher IQ tends to help in recovery because you're more likely to at least score

normally after brain injury rather than requiring Special Education, if you know what I mean. The neuropsychologist says that the trouble for me is that I realize I'm different than I was before, so I have a hard time dealing with it emotionally sometimes. I'm used to doing certain things quickly and easily. He says someone who had a lower IQ to begin with tends not to notice the little changes as much. In general, good grades in school is a promising sign of how well you can do. A college diploma is great because it shows that I'm used to getting and doing homework, learning new things and following through to apply them. The variable is whether or not I actually choose to do what needs to be done.

Some doctors say recovery takes 6-9 months, but that's from a physical standpoint. Neuropsychologists look at complex thinking and very subtle changes in behavior.They look for changes in thinking or memory. Research on these tests  that I've found indicates that for two years following a head injury there's evidence of improving scores. After the two years, they don't see large changes in scores. People don't stop getting better after two years, but the changes tend to be very subtle. For example, fatigue tends to be a long-term problem. From the second to the third year following the injury, people report their fatigue is less noticeable. Mine already feels much more manageable than it did even three months ago.

A lot of what brain rehab does is improve skills they can, and teach coping skills for what they can't change. Examples include memory techniques and organizational strategies. Basically, no one ever really "graduates." They learn the tools to continue with their own recovery. But people who get treatment do heal faster and do better on tests. 

Change is part of life. We're always changing. If you have your appendix out, the scar never completely goes away. When I was pregnant with Stuart I had an emergency c-section, and that cut through some muscle, so I'm never going to look like Jessica Alba on the beach (luckily, I did not look like her before, so I don't miss it any!) That scar is part of me. As we get older, some of our skills are less effective over time. We know we're not as strong or quick; our stamina or memory isn't as good as when we were younger anyway. If you ask, "Am I 100% of what I was at 18?", no one is. The aging process is gradual and happens over time. We learn to accept this as part of life. The unfairness of brain injury is that the change happens so suddenly, and it does throw your perspective off.

It's like running a marathon. A marathon is 26 miles; you can't sprint 26 miles. You have to pace yourself and keep as positive an attitude as you can along the way. When I worked for The American Cancer Society, I talked to a lot of people with some pretty extreme and devastating forms of cancer, and I know from that experiences that two people do not recover from the same version of that disease in the same way, nor in the same amount of time, but 100% of those people who have a positive attitude heal better and faster than those who don't. So maintaining a positive attitude is a survival technique.